Managing Parental Conflict
July 25, 2009 by Tyler Hartle · Leave a Comment
Your family may be experiencing a range of stressful situations that may add strain and unwanted pressure on parental relationships. Often times, being a parent in and of itself can be a cause of tension and conflict between parents. There is bound to be some disagreement and it is usually both inevitable and healthy in any relationship. The most important thing parents need to consider is how conflict is handled when it rears its ugly head. Avoiding disagreement is sometimes unhealthy and could mean that one or both of the parents are avoiding the critical issues that would be better faced and discussed right away.
The way in which parents handle everyday conflicts has major effects on their children. A child’s sense of safety and well-being is closely linked to how their parents behave towards each other.
Children learn from how they see their parents interact. When parents are getting along well, their relationship serves as a secure base to support their child’s exploration and relationships with others. Children will cope and learn how to handle conflict if they see parents disagree from time to time and resolve their differences in a constructive way. However, children are significantly negatively affected by frequent, unresolved conflict between parents.
Children don’t have to hear or see conflict to be negatively affected by it. Children are very sensitive to the emotional climate of the house and pick up on tensions easily.
Some children cope better with conflict than others. This is related to the child’s temperament and the presence of other important relationships that can provide the child with support, for example, grandparents.
Unresolved conflict can be stressful and even damaging to children. Severe conflict between parents may, in some instances be the basis of long term behavioral, social and developmental problems in some children. Children may sometimes become distressed, fearful, clingy, aggressive or disobedient. They may experience unusual sleep patterns, problems in focusing or attention deficit and learning as well as difficulties in other relationships.
Tips for Managing Parental Conflict
- Avoid arguing or fighting in front of children.
- Never put your child in a position where they feel like they have to take sides.
- Avoid using your children as a way of forcing your partner to agree with you.
- Learn how to discuss differences and resolve conflict calmly.
- Be clear with your children that they are not to blame for the fighting.
- Comfort your children to ensure they know that you love them and that you are sorting the problem out.
- Create time to listen to and accept your children’s feelings and worries about the fighting.
- Respect differences in opinion between yourself and your partner – you will not always agree.
- Be willing to work together as parents even if you don’t see eye to eye on things.
- Seek the assistance of a professional if the level of conflict is so great that it starts to negatively affect your children and your relationship.
Recognizing The Signs of Child Abuse
August 19, 2008 by Tyler Hartle · Leave a Comment
Recognize the signs of child abuse
The effects of child abuse and neglect are not always easy to identify and people who abuse can go to great lengths to hide it. Many of the common signs of child abuse can be confused with normal, everyday happenings. Adults need to be aware that a change in a child’s behavior may be caused by child abuse.
Recognizing the signs in children
The following are some of the general indicators of child abuse and neglect that you may observe in children or young people. The presence of one or more of these factors does not by itself prove that child abuse is happening. However, it can alert you to the possibility of child abuse. The likelihood of child abuse is occurring may be higher when more indicators are present.
- A child or young person tells you that he or she is being abused or hurt
- You notice sudden or unexplained changes in mood or behavior of a child or young person
- You notice frequent or unexplained bruises or injuries on a child or young person
- You see a child or young person with low self-esteem
- You see a child or young person with poor hygiene
- You notice that a child or young person becomes withdrawn or unresponsive
- You notice a child or young person with a lot of exaggerated fears
- You notice that a child or young person seems to lack trust in familiar adults
- You notice that a child or young person has serious difficulties relating to peers and/or adults
- You see a child or young person who is always angry or aggressive
- You find out that a child or young person has difficulty sleeping and experiences nightmares
- You notice a child or young person experience a change in eating patterns
Recognize the signs in parents
The following are just some of the general indicators of child abuse and neglect that you may observe in the behavior of parents or care givers. The presence of one or more of these factors does not by itself prove that abuse is happening. However, it can alert you to the possibility of abuse. The possibility of abuse may be higher if more indicators are present.
- You notice that a parent seems unconcerned about the child’s welfare at home or school
- You notice that there is domestic violence between adults in a household
- You notice that a parent feels constantly stressed and tells you they have hurt his/her child
- You see that a parent seems secretive or tries to isolate the child from other children
- You notice that a parent constantly talks about the child in negative ways
- You notice that a parent frequently blames, belittles or insults the child
- You notice that a parent avoids talking about the child’s injuries or gives conflicting explanations for them
- You notice that a parent is suffering from depression or other serious mental illness that may be impacting on their ability to care for their children
- You notice that a parent is drinking alcohol excessively or abusing prescription medication and is not able to take care of his/her children properly
- You see or hear that a parent is using illegal drugs and is not able to take care of his/her children properly
Recognize the signs in yourself
As parents or others charged with rearing chidlren, we can relate to sometimes feeling tested to the limits of our parenting ability. Sometimes we can feel out of control. In other situations, we can have personal problems that stop us from caring for our children.
It is your responsibility to recognize when you need help before the harm happens.
If you feel you may hurt, or have hurt your child, it is important that you seek immediate assistance.
STOP what you are doing.
THINK about how you and your child are affected by what is happening.
DO something to change things.
GET SUPPORT to make the changes.
Seeking support and assistance can take courage. Taking this step, however, is critical for you and your child.
Seeking support and assistance reflects:
- your love for your child
- your ability to appreciate there is a problem
- your desire for things to be different for your family
- your commitment to working towards changing things for the better.
Speak to someone you trust and feel can help you.
Find a list of support services that may be able to assist you and your family. Keep trying until you find a service that can help you.
Things can change for the better for you and your family. It is up to you to take the next step.
