The First Three Years
August 1, 2009 by Tyler Hartle · Leave a Comment
The first three years of your child’s life is important.
Between birth and three years of age your child grows and develops faster than at any other stage in their lives. The way your child’s brain develops in these early years is critical. In the first three years of your child’s life, the brain has done a great deal of its growing and has established important pathways for future development. Everything we do, say, think and feel is experienced and made sense of through our brain. Our brain allows us to love and to laugh, cry and then feel better, be confused and then understand.
The budding brain
At birth your baby has about 100,000,000,000 (that’s 100 billion) nerve cells, yet the brain is not fully developed. In the first few years of life these cells develop vital connections in the brain that influence your child’s emotional, social and intellectual make-up. Your child’s brain is affected by influences from your child’s environment in these early years. The brain uses our sensory organs (eyes, ears, nose, tongue and skin) to tell us what is going on in the world. Everything we experience is filtered through our senses. Our senses send signals to our brain that can alter how our brain understands and responds to experiences and information.
The importance of parenting
Scientists and researchers alike have found that the relationship between a parent and child in the early years affects the child’s brain development in many ways. When children are provided with loving and caring experiences in these early years, the connections in the brain for feeling good and learning are strengthened. Babies and young children need a lot of nurturing, touching and stimulation to enable them to learn and grow in the best possible way. An early positive relationship with parents promotes curiosity, self esteem and confidence in developing children. These relationships will assist children to better cope with life’s challenges.
During the developing years spend time:
• Holding and cuddling your child
• Talking to and smiling with your child
• Recognizing and responding to your child’s signals
• Providing your child with new experiences and opportunities
• Ensuring your children feel safe and secure
Finding Joy, Giving Hope
February 14, 2009 by Natalie · Leave a Comment
My daughter’s name is Sofia. Raising her is my job. I have other jobs, which make money, but she is my main thing. Realizing this has helped me take time to see the details. I welcomed her when she came because I chose to be optimistic about this world, to have hope. So it is my duty to give her hope, and the tools with which she might follow and attain her dreams.
Sofia goes to a small school where they teach children to use their gifts, intelligence, imagination, and to understand that they are an important contributing part of their community. They are taught, in short, to belong. “Your talent is God’s gift to you; what you do with it is your gift to him,” reads a placard on the wall in the entryway. Hypocrisy and cynicism are left by the wayside.
I am obsessive and protective of this aspect of her upbringing, because I was never taught that I belonged anywhere, that anything I did really mattered, and here I remain, somewhat adrift, up some kind of creek with no paddle. My biting and cynical wit, a necessary and hard won tool of survival when I was growing up, is doing me little good at the moment, in the world I’m trying to create for my daughter and myself.
It is so easy to let things slip when you’re angry or guilty or overburdened. Clarity and detail fall by the wayside, and these qualities make up a child’s universe. Ignore the detail, and to a certain extent you no longer see the child.
Ultimately and unsurprisingly, I am one of those parents who seeks for her child what she herself missed out on. In our particular case: a sense of freedom, faith, and self-trust. I consider them essential tools. Joy is the final tool, because otherwise what is the point of it all? I have, at least, been gifted with that capability, and the strength to sometimes capture it back from misfortune.
Children are our hope and our test. By raising them well we can mend the past; that is our hope. Our test? By simply existing they hold a mirror up to us, that we can see ourselves and make amends – if we are brave enough to look. ~NC
This is the first of many from Natalie. Thank you Natalie. We sincerely appreciate you taking the time to contribute to our efforts. Tyler Hartle
Parenting 101
September 15, 2008 by Tyler Hartle · Comments Off
Throughout history, being a parent is and has always been the most important job one can ever do. Parenting is not a 9 to 5 job or other career choice. Parenting lasts a lifetime. Many people have said that parenting is an amazing journey filled with rewards and sometimes seemingly impossible challenges. Here’s a little help to get you through it all.
Number One Myth: I should know all the answers.
Here’s the kicker, you don’t know everything and you don’t have to know everything. There is not a single parent on the planet that has all of the answers. Also, there’s no such thing as ‘one style fits all’ parenting. The Dr. Spock books are there to give examples, not to provide strict parenting enforcement. Parents need to recognize and be able to respond to the unique personalities, strengths and vulnerabilities of each child. Have reasonable expectations of yourself. Have confidence in what you do know.
It’s OK to say I don’t know. There are numerous ways to educate yourself to find out about the things you feel less confident in.
Myth #2: Parenting comes naturally.
Being a parent requires you become an understanding, persistent, imaginative, energetic, knowledgeable and patient human being.
Parents in all walks of life need support. Take the time to congratulate yourself on what you are doing well. Accept there may be things you could do differently. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Every parent makes mistakes and learns through experience. Mistakes will only count if you keep repeating them. Appreciate that parenting has its ups and downs and accept that this is normal.
Myth #3: Raising my children is my job.
Remember the old saying, “It takes a village.” In the past, extended families and neighborhoods have collectively taken on the responsibility of caring for children. In modern times, parents, more than ever before, are viewed as solely accountable for raising their children. This can sometimes make parents feel judged and alone. If you get out and ask around, you will find that many other parents feel exactly the same way as you. Asking for support is a helpful thing to do for you and your child. Seek support from family, friends, church and community and family support services.
Parenting is a community activity – many people play a significant role in children’s lives. Grandparents, uncles, aunts, friends, teachers and neighbors all contribute to and support family life.
Look after yourself as well as your children. I say it is a good idea to look after yourself first, and then look after your children. If you have ever traveled by plane on any airline, this thought process is nothing new. The flight attendant, when discussing safety and emergency procedures, instructs parents to first put on his or her oxygen mask, and then put the oxygen mask on their child or children. You are no good to your children if you are putting yourself in harms way.
Children and parents learn from each other.
There is no such thing as a perfect parent. There is no such thing as a perfect child. There are many ways to parent. Children and parents learn together.
If you have children, chances are they’re always watching, listening and learning from you. They are constantly processing your parenting skills as they watch how you do things, how you express your feelings and how you relate to others.
As a parent, you continuously learn more and more about your child as they change and grow.
The way you parent should change with the changing needs of your children.
