Actions, Words and Doing Nothing
January 13, 2009 by Tyler Hartle · Leave a Comment
The way parents talk to and act with their children influences how children feel about themselves. As parents, our behavior often speaks louder than words. What are you saying to your child? What are you saying about your child? What are your children saying about you?
The things parents say to their children act like a mirror, reflecting back to their children the ideas their parents have about who they are and what they will become.
Unkind words and actions can last a lifetime, and sometimes those same words and actions fill generations while being passed down from one generation to another. As a parent you may sometimes do or say things to your child that goes against your better judgment. Generally children are resilient enough that the occasional cruel or negative comment has no long term impact. However, the more often you communicate negative messages to your children through heartless words and actions, the more they will come to accept those negative words and actions as truth.
Listen to your Children
Listening to your children tells your children they are important. As a parent, one of your responsibilities is to spend time with your children and listen to their point of view. Sometimes your children may not speak because they are not given the opportunity. Ensure there is space in your family for each person to be heard.
Listening means not only hearing the words but working out the feelings behind the words. Listen to the things that your children are not saying. For a lot of children, behavior speaks louder than words. What are your children trying to tell you?
Be a patient listener. Allow your children time to tell their story. Don’t jump in before they have finished telling their story. Don’t ever try to finish your children’s sentences. Be a keen listener. Share in your children’s enthusiasm. When you help your children to express their thoughts and feelings with you, you are helping them to find the words or other ways to communicate with you.
Guess What? Your Children ARE Listening!
Here are some actions you should never do and words you should never say:
- Never ignore your children.
- Never attach a negative label to describe your child or call him/her names. For example, “Stupid” or “You’re such a bad boy/girl”.
- Never place unfair blame on your child. For example, “You must have done it – your brother would have never done something like that” or “You are the reason mommy and daddy fight all the time”.
- Never withdraw love from your children. For example, “You were a mistake from the beginning. I wish you were never born”.
- Never frown or sigh when your child wants to talk to you.
- Never compare one child with another.
- Never talk about your children negatively in front of others – they have ears and are very receptive.
