Positive Child Guidance
March 2, 2009 by Tyler Hartle · Leave a Comment
Development of self-control is the goal of positive guidance
Remember when setting limits, to do it in a way that:
- Preserves your relationship with the child
- Helps the child to get needs met appropriately
- The child understands he/she has a choice and is able to recognize the connection between his/her choices and the consequences.
Settings limits in a Non-Punishing Way
Set limits when a child does something to hurt him/her, someone else, or damages property.
1. Acknowledge their feelings. “You’re feeling _______________that _______________.”
Examples: “You’re feeling angry that Annie took your doll.” or “You’re having fun drawing.” or “You’re feeling frustrated that you’re not able to go outside to play right now.”
2. Set the limit. This communicates to the child that they are not the problem, but the behavior is the problem.
Examples: “Sally is not for hitting.” or “The car is not for the table.” or “Loud voices are not for inside the house.” or “Jobs need to be done before play time.”
3. Give an alternative. Tell or show them a positive way to get their needs met.
Examples: “If you are angry, you can go outside and roller blade until you calm down.” or “If you are angry with someone you can come and talk to me and I will help you figure out what to do.” or “If you want to color, you can color in a coloring book.” or “The car is for the floor.” or “Loud voices are for outside.”
4. Give related consequences. If the children were playing nicely, but there was a certain item or toy they were fighting over, it is okay to put the toy into time-out rather than the children.
Example: “If you kick Bobby, you’re choosing to go to time-out.” or “If you keep driving the car on the table, you’re choosing to put the car away.”
5. Follow through and be consistent. Even major league pitchers have a time-out when they hit someone. Every time they hit someone, a time-out is called.
Example: Every time you child hits someone make him/her go to time-out. Whatever you have chosen for the consequence of a particular misbehavior – every time they do the same misbehavior, assign the same consequence. This will provide the child with stability and they will know beforehand what is expected of them. This will also lead to fewer fights in the future as you administer consequences because they are more likely to feel like the consequence fair rather than feeling picked on.
