Your Kids Are Cool
September 25, 2009 by Tyler Hartle · Leave a Comment
As a parent you probably spend a great deal of your time trying to be the best parent ever, doing whatever you can for your children. All the while you’re balancing the needs and demands of a busy life.
Being a parent in today’s world you may tend to feel more like you’re a business owner, rather than a parent. Parenting is like running a small company. In fact, the two are so similar, it’s no wonder why we tend lose sight and fail to keep them separate. You have to manage a household, manage your time, manage a job and manage behavior of your children. The list goes on and on and on.
Increasingly, we hear about the costs of having children. These are usually described as economic, social or career costs. The price of diapers alone makes some parents turn and run. We hear talk of the sacrifices made by adults in their lives as a result of having children. Are these really sacrifices or gifts?
Dr. Wayne Dyer once said, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” This is the perfect statement for everyone to remember during their term as parents. It is sometimes easy to lose sight of what is important. In the middle of life’s busy pace, take the time out to reflect on the ways your children contribute to your life rather than on what else you can do for your child.
Here are some of the things our children give us as parents:
• Unconditional love and admiration just for being you
• Trust that you are the strongest, wisest and bravest person in the world
• The ability to play your child’s hero
• The ability to be a child again
• The ability to appreciate an intensity of emotion and range of strengths and skills
• The ability to reflect on your own values, attitudes and assumptions
• The ability to re-experience the joy and pleasure to be found in simply being a child
• The ability to share in their amusement and their laughter
• The ability to return to your own childhood
• The ability to take time out from being a grown up
One of the single most important gifts parents can give themselves is time with their children.
Make time each day to play, dream, cry, laugh, or wonder and explore with your children. You will be handsomely rewarded!
The First Three Years
August 1, 2009 by Tyler Hartle · Leave a Comment
The first three years of your child’s life is important.
Between birth and three years of age your child grows and develops faster than at any other stage in their lives. The way your child’s brain develops in these early years is critical. In the first three years of your child’s life, the brain has done a great deal of its growing and has established important pathways for future development. Everything we do, say, think and feel is experienced and made sense of through our brain. Our brain allows us to love and to laugh, cry and then feel better, be confused and then understand.
The budding brain
At birth your baby has about 100,000,000,000 (that’s 100 billion) nerve cells, yet the brain is not fully developed. In the first few years of life these cells develop vital connections in the brain that influence your child’s emotional, social and intellectual make-up. Your child’s brain is affected by influences from your child’s environment in these early years. The brain uses our sensory organs (eyes, ears, nose, tongue and skin) to tell us what is going on in the world. Everything we experience is filtered through our senses. Our senses send signals to our brain that can alter how our brain understands and responds to experiences and information.
The importance of parenting
Scientists and researchers alike have found that the relationship between a parent and child in the early years affects the child’s brain development in many ways. When children are provided with loving and caring experiences in these early years, the connections in the brain for feeling good and learning are strengthened. Babies and young children need a lot of nurturing, touching and stimulation to enable them to learn and grow in the best possible way. An early positive relationship with parents promotes curiosity, self esteem and confidence in developing children. These relationships will assist children to better cope with life’s challenges.
During the developing years spend time:
• Holding and cuddling your child
• Talking to and smiling with your child
• Recognizing and responding to your child’s signals
• Providing your child with new experiences and opportunities
• Ensuring your children feel safe and secure
Managing Parental Conflict
July 25, 2009 by Tyler Hartle · Leave a Comment
Your family may be experiencing a range of stressful situations that may add strain and unwanted pressure on parental relationships. Often times, being a parent in and of itself can be a cause of tension and conflict between parents. There is bound to be some disagreement and it is usually both inevitable and healthy in any relationship. The most important thing parents need to consider is how conflict is handled when it rears its ugly head. Avoiding disagreement is sometimes unhealthy and could mean that one or both of the parents are avoiding the critical issues that would be better faced and discussed right away.
The way in which parents handle everyday conflicts has major effects on their children. A child’s sense of safety and well-being is closely linked to how their parents behave towards each other.
Children learn from how they see their parents interact. When parents are getting along well, their relationship serves as a secure base to support their child’s exploration and relationships with others. Children will cope and learn how to handle conflict if they see parents disagree from time to time and resolve their differences in a constructive way. However, children are significantly negatively affected by frequent, unresolved conflict between parents.
Children don’t have to hear or see conflict to be negatively affected by it. Children are very sensitive to the emotional climate of the house and pick up on tensions easily.
Some children cope better with conflict than others. This is related to the child’s temperament and the presence of other important relationships that can provide the child with support, for example, grandparents.
Unresolved conflict can be stressful and even damaging to children. Severe conflict between parents may, in some instances be the basis of long term behavioral, social and developmental problems in some children. Children may sometimes become distressed, fearful, clingy, aggressive or disobedient. They may experience unusual sleep patterns, problems in focusing or attention deficit and learning as well as difficulties in other relationships.
Tips for Managing Parental Conflict
- Avoid arguing or fighting in front of children.
- Never put your child in a position where they feel like they have to take sides.
- Avoid using your children as a way of forcing your partner to agree with you.
- Learn how to discuss differences and resolve conflict calmly.
- Be clear with your children that they are not to blame for the fighting.
- Comfort your children to ensure they know that you love them and that you are sorting the problem out.
- Create time to listen to and accept your children’s feelings and worries about the fighting.
- Respect differences in opinion between yourself and your partner – you will not always agree.
- Be willing to work together as parents even if you don’t see eye to eye on things.
- Seek the assistance of a professional if the level of conflict is so great that it starts to negatively affect your children and your relationship.
