Remember when setting limits, to do it in a way that:

1. Preserves your relationship with the child
2. Helps the child to get needs met appropriately
3. The child understands he/she has a choice and is able to recognize the connection between his/her choices and the consequences.

Settings limits in a Non-Punishing Way

Set limits when a child does something to hurt him/her, someone else, or damages property.
1. Acknowledge their feelings. “You’re feeling _______________that _______________.”
Examples: “You’re feeling angry that Annie took your doll.” or “You’re having fun drawing.” or “You’re feeling frustrated that you’re not able to go outside to play right now.”

2. Set the limit. This communicates to the child that they are not the problem, but the behavior is the problem.
Examples: “Sally is not for hitting.” or “The car is not for the table.” or “Loud voices are not for inside the house.” or “Jobs need to be done before play time.”

3. Give an alternative. Tell or show them a positive way to get their needs met.
Examples: “If you are angry, you can go outside and roller blade until you calm down.” or “If you are angry with someone you can come and talk to me and I will help you figure out what to do.” or “If you want to color, you can color in a coloring book.” or “The car is for the floor.” or “Loud voices are for outside.”

4. Give related consequences. If the children were playing nicely, but there was a certain item or toy they were fighting over, it is okay to put the toy into time-out rather than the children.
Example: “If you kick Bobby, you’re choosing to go to time-out.” or “If you keep driving the car on the table, you’re choosing to put the car away.”

5. Follow through and be consistent. Even major league pitchers have a time-out when they hit someone. Every time they hit someone, a time-out is called.
Example: Every time you child hits someone make him/her go to time-out. Whatever you have chosen for the consequence of a particular misbehavior – every time they do the same misbehavior, assign the same consequence. This will provide the child with stability and they will know beforehand what is expected of them. This will also lead to fewer fights in the future as you administer consequences because they are more likely to feel like the consequence fair rather than feeling picked on.

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The effects of child abuse and neglect are not always easy to identify and people who abuse can go to great lengths to hide it. Many of the common signs of child abuse can be confused with normal, everyday happenings. Adults need to be aware that a change in a child’s behavior may be caused by child abuse.

Recognizing the signs in children

The following are some of the general indicators of child abuse and neglect that you may observe in children or young people. The presence of one or more of these factors does not by itself prove that child abuse is happening. However, it can alert you to the possibility of child abuse. The likelihood of child abuse is occurring may be higher when more indicators are present.

• A child or young person tells you that he or she is being abused or hurt
• You notice sudden or unexplained changes in mood or behavior of a child or young person
• You notice frequent or unexplained bruises or injuries on a child or young person
• You see a child or young person with low self-esteem
• You see a child or young person with poor hygiene
• You notice that a child or young person becomes withdrawn or unresponsive
• You notice a child or young person with a lot of exaggerated fears
• You notice that a child or young person seems to lack trust in familiar adults
• You notice that a child or young person has serious difficulties relating to peers and/or adults
• You see a child or young person who is always angry or aggressive
• You find out that a child or young person has difficulty sleeping and experiences nightmares
• You notice a child or young person experience a change in eating patterns

Recognize the signs in parents

The following are just some of the general indicators of child abuse and neglect that you may observe in the behavior of parents or care givers. The presence of one or more of these factors does not by itself prove that abuse is happening. However, it can alert you to the possibility of abuse. The possibility of abuse may be higher if more indicators are present.

• You notice that a parent seems unconcerned about the child’s welfare at home or school
• You notice that there is domestic violence between adults in a household
• You notice that a parent feels constantly stressed and tells you they have hurt his/her child
• You see that a parent seems secretive or tries to isolate the child from other children
• You notice that a parent constantly talks about the child in negative ways
• You notice that a parent frequently blames, belittles or insults the child
• You notice that a parent avoids talking about the child’s injuries or gives conflicting explanations for them
• You notice that a parent is suffering from depression or other serious mental illness that may be impacting on their ability to care for their children
• You notice that a parent is drinking alcohol excessively or abusing prescription medication and is not able to take care of his/her children properly
• You see or hear that a parent is using illegal drugs and is not able to take care of his/her children properly

Recognize the signs in yourself

As parents or others charged with rearing chidlren, we can relate to sometimes feeling tested to the limits of our parenting ability. Sometimes we can feel out of control. In other situations, we can have personal problems that stop us from caring for our children.

It is your responsibility to recognize when you need help before the harm happens.
If you feel you may hurt, or have hurt your child, it is important that you seek immediate assistance.

STOP what you are doing.

THINK about how you and your child are affected by what is happening.
DO something to change things.
GET SUPPORT to make the changes.
Seeking support and assistance can take courage. Taking this step, however, is critical for you and your child.

Seeking support and assistance reflects:

• your love for your child
• your ability to appreciate there is a problem
• your desire for things to be different for your family
• your commitment to working towards changing things for the better.

Speak to someone you trust and feel can help you.

Find a list of support services that may be able to assist you and your family. Keep trying until you find a service that can help you.

Things can change for the better for you and your family. It is up to you to take the next step.

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All parents need support and information from time to time and for a variety of reasons. When a parent seeks out assistance, he/she is exercising a vital parenting role.

Local and National Help Lines

National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD / 1-800-422-4453

Utah Child Abuse and Neglect Hotline
1-800- 678-9399

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Help community groups, clubs or organizations, like your local family support center, to distribute copies of this booklet throughout the community.

Support local efforts to help families, such as fund raising for a local family charity or a food or clothing drive.

Get involved with your child’s school. Find out what they are doing to help prevent child abuse and neglect and how you might help.

Raise the issue of children’s safety and protection in your local community groups, sporting clubs and service groups. As a group, you may be able to improve community awareness about the problem of child abuse and ensure the safety of children in your area by staging local events about children and their need for protection.

Ensure organizations and clubs that have contact with children in your community have policies that outline safe and respectful ways of interacting with children. These guidelines should address bullying, discipline of children, sexism and racism. There should also be procedures for supporting children if they disclose that they are being hurt or abused by an adult involved in the organization.

Ensure organizations and clubs in your local community that have contact with children have policies regarding appropriate recruitment and screening processes, including mandatory police checks for staff and volunteers.

Support organizations or businesses that are committed to promoting the protection of children in your community.

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