Parenting 101
September 15, 2008 by Tyler Hartle · Comments Off
Throughout history, being a parent is and has always been the most important job one can ever do. Parenting is not a 9 to 5 job or other career choice. Parenting lasts a lifetime. Many people have said that parenting is an amazing journey filled with rewards and sometimes seemingly impossible challenges. Here’s a little help to get you through it all.
Number One Myth: I should know all the answers.
Here’s the kicker, you don’t know everything and you don’t have to know everything. There is not a single parent on the planet that has all of the answers. Also, there’s no such thing as ‘one style fits all’ parenting. The Dr. Spock books are there to give examples, not to provide strict parenting enforcement. Parents need to recognize and be able to respond to the unique personalities, strengths and vulnerabilities of each child. Have reasonable expectations of yourself. Have confidence in what you do know.
It’s OK to say I don’t know. There are numerous ways to educate yourself to find out about the things you feel less confident in.
Myth #2: Parenting comes naturally.
Being a parent requires you become an understanding, persistent, imaginative, energetic, knowledgeable and patient human being.
Parents in all walks of life need support. Take the time to congratulate yourself on what you are doing well. Accept there may be things you could do differently. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Every parent makes mistakes and learns through experience. Mistakes will only count if you keep repeating them. Appreciate that parenting has its ups and downs and accept that this is normal.
Myth #3: Raising my children is my job.
Remember the old saying, “It takes a village.” In the past, extended families and neighborhoods have collectively taken on the responsibility of caring for children. In modern times, parents, more than ever before, are viewed as solely accountable for raising their children. This can sometimes make parents feel judged and alone. If you get out and ask around, you will find that many other parents feel exactly the same way as you. Asking for support is a helpful thing to do for you and your child. Seek support from family, friends, church and community and family support services.
Parenting is a community activity - many people play a significant role in children’s lives. Grandparents, uncles, aunts, friends, teachers and neighbors all contribute to and support family life.
Look after yourself as well as your children. I say it is a good idea to look after yourself first, and then look after your children. If you have ever traveled by plane on any airline, this thought process is nothing new. The flight attendant, when discussing safety and emergency procedures, instructs parents to first put on his or her oxygen mask, and then put the oxygen mask on their child or children. You are no good to your children if you are putting yourself in harms way.
Children and parents learn from each other.
There is no such thing as a perfect parent. There is no such thing as a perfect child. There are many ways to parent. Children and parents learn together.
If you have children, chances are they’re always watching, listening and learning from you. They are constantly processing your parenting skills as they watch how you do things, how you express your feelings and how you relate to others.
As a parent, you continuously learn more and more about your child as they change and grow.
The way you parent should change with the changing needs of your children.
Recognizing The Signs
August 19, 2008 by Tyler Hartle · Leave a Comment
Recognize the signs of child abuse
The effects of child abuse and neglect are not always easy to identify and people who abuse can go to great lengths to hide it. Many of the common signs of child abuse can be confused with normal, everyday happenings. Adults need to be aware that a change in a child’s behavior may be caused by child abuse.
Recognizing the signs in children
The following are some of the general indicators of child abuse and neglect that you may observe in children or young people. The presence of one or more of these factors does not by itself prove that child abuse is happening. However, it can alert you to the possibility of child abuse. The likelihood of child abuse is occurring may be higher when more indicators are present.
- A child or young person tells you that he or she is being abused or hurt
- You notice sudden or unexplained changes in mood or behavior of a child or young person
- You notice frequent or unexplained bruises or injuries on a child or young person
- You see a child or young person with low self-esteem
- You see a child or young person with poor hygiene
- You notice that a child or young person becomes withdrawn or unresponsive
- You notice a child or young person with a lot of exaggerated fears
- You notice that a child or young person seems to lack trust in familiar adults
- You notice that a child or young person has serious difficulties relating to peers and/or adults
- You see a child or young person who is always angry or aggressive
- You find out that a child or young person has difficulty sleeping and experiences nightmares
- You notice a child or young person experience a change in eating patterns
Recognize the signs in parents
The following are just some of the general indicators of child abuse and neglect that you may observe in the behavior of parents or care givers. The presence of one or more of these factors does not by itself prove that abuse is happening. However, it can alert you to the possibility of abuse. The possibility of abuse may be higher if more indicators are present.
- You notice that a parent seems unconcerned about the child’s welfare at home or school
- You notice that there is domestic violence between adults in a household
- You notice that a parent feels constantly stressed and tells you they have hurt his/her child
- You see that a parent seems secretive or tries to isolate the child from other children
- You notice that a parent constantly talks about the child in negative ways
- You notice that a parent frequently blames, belittles or insults the child
- You notice that a parent avoids talking about the child’s injuries or gives conflicting explanations for them
- You notice that a parent is suffering from depression or other serious mental illness that may be impacting on their ability to care for their children
- You notice that a parent is drinking alcohol excessively or abusing prescription medication and is not able to take care of his/her children properly
- You see or hear that a parent is using illegal drugs and is not able to take care of his/her children properly
Recognize the signs in yourself
As parents or others charged with rearing chidlren, we can relate to sometimes feeling tested to the limits of our parenting ability. Sometimes we can feel out of control. In other situations, we can have personal problems that stop us from caring for our children.
It is your responsibility to recognize when you need help before the harm happens.
If you feel you may hurt, or have hurt your child, it is important that you seek immediate assistance.
STOP what you are doing.
THINK about how you and your child are affected by what is happening.
DO something to change things.
GET SUPPORT to make the changes.
Seeking support and assistance can take courage. Taking this step, however, is critical for you and your child.
Seeking support and assistance reflects:
- your love for your child
- your ability to appreciate there is a problem
- your desire for things to be different for your family
- your commitment to working towards changing things for the better.
Speak to someone you trust and feel can help you.
Find a list of support services that may be able to assist you and your family. Keep trying until you find a service that can help you.
Things can change for the better for you and your family. It is up to you to take the next step.
Help Yourself Help The Children
August 19, 2008 by Tyler Hartle · Leave a Comment
All parents need support. All parents need information.
All parents need support and information from time to time and for a variety of reasons. When a parent seeks out assistance, he/she is exercising a vital parenting role.
Local and National Help Lines
National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD / 1-800-422-4453
Utah Child Abuse and Neglect Hotline
1-800- 678-9399
Deciding To Take Action
August 12, 2008 by Tyler Hartle · Leave a Comment
It is often hard to know what to do to help a child or young person who has been abused. You may think you are over-reacting or mistaken. You worry that you may be seen by others as interfering. You might think you may be responsible for breaking the family up.
Sometimes people are concerned that efforts to help children ends up causing them further harm. However, we know that this is not the case. Many adult survivors of abuse have said that the continued abuse causes more harm than any action taken to stop the abuse.
If you suspect child abuse report it.
- Trust your judgment.
- You do not have to prove that the abuse is happening.
- You can report anonymously.
Families need help when abuse is happening.
Reporting abuse can help families to receive the counselling and support services they need. This may help to relieve some of the family problems or stress. It will probably be critical in preventing further abuse of the children or young people in that family.
Things You Can Do In Your Community
August 12, 2008 by Tyler Hartle · Leave a Comment
Raise awareness about child abuse by talking to friends and neighbors about child abuse and how to prevent it.
Help community groups, clubs or organizations, like the Utah Valley Family Support and Treatment Center, to distribute copies of this booklet throughout the community.
Support local efforts to help families, such as fundraising for a local family charity or a food or clothing drive.
Get involved with your child’s school. Find out what they are doing to help prevent child abuse and neglect and how you might help.
Raise the issue of children’s safety and protection in your local community groups, sporting clubs and service groups. As a group, you may be able to improve community awareness about the problem of child abuse and ensure the safety of children in your area by staging local events about children and their need for protection.
Ensure organizations and clubs that have contact with children in your community have policies that outline safe and respectful ways of interacting with children. These guidelines should address bullying, discipline of children, sexism and racism. There should also be procedures for supporting children if they disclose that they are being hurt or abused by an adult involved in the organization.
Ensure organizations and clubs in your local community that have contact with children have policies regarding appropriate recruitment and screening processes, including mandatory police checks for staff and volunteers.
Support organizations or businesses that are committed to promoting the protection of children in your community.
What You Can Do For A Child
August 12, 2008 by Tyler Hartle · Leave a Comment
Playing your part - What you can do for children
- Show and tell children that they are important to you and that you care about how they feel.
- Understand and respect children’s vulnerabilities as well as their abilities.
- Appreciate the insights of children. They understand more than you think.
- Try to understand the seriousness and consequences of child abuse.
- Be someone special for a child to turn to. Be there to listen.
- Trust your judgement. Don’t keep it to yourself – do something if you are worried about a child.
Celebrate the Life of a Child in Our Community
August 11, 2008 by Tyler Hartle · Leave a Comment
So often, today, we hear about the costs of having a child. These are usually described as economic, social or career costs. We hear talk of the sacrifices made by adults in their lives as a result of having a child.
It is sometimes easy to lose sight of what is important. In the middle of life’s busy pace, take time out to reflect on the ways a child contribute to your life or the life of your community.
A child enriches the lives of adults in many ways. Giving adults:
- Their trust.
- The chance to be a hero.
- The chance to share in the magic and wonder of their world.
- The chance to reflect on your own values, attitudes and assumptions about the world.
- The chance to share in their fun and their laughter.
- The chance to revisit your own childhood.
- The chance to take time out from being a grown up.
Ways to tell a child they are important:
- Show them that you are interested in them by spending time together, listening to them, joining in their play.
- Celebrate their achievements, no matter how small.
- Praise them for trying, no matter what the outcome.
- Keep special reminders of their successes and milestones.
- Let them help you do things.
- Let them know it is OK to make mistakes; it is all part of learning.
- Help them to build on their strengths.
- Ask their opinion on things that affect them. It shows you care about what they think.
- Help them to solve their own problems. Show them that you have faith in them.
