Managing Parental Conflict
July 25, 2009 by Tyler Hartle
Your family may be experiencing a range of stressful situations that may add strain and unwanted pressure on parental relationships. Often times, being a parent in and of itself can be a cause of tension and conflict between parents. There is bound to be some disagreement and it is usually both inevitable and healthy in any relationship. The most important thing parents need to consider is how conflict is handled when it rears its ugly head. Avoiding disagreement is sometimes unhealthy and could mean that one or both of the parents are avoiding the critical issues that would be better faced and discussed right away.
The way in which parents handle everyday conflicts has major effects on their children. A child’s sense of safety and well-being is closely linked to how their parents behave towards each other.
Children learn from how they see their parents interact. When parents are getting along well, their relationship serves as a secure base to support their child’s exploration and relationships with others. Children will cope and learn how to handle conflict if they see parents disagree from time to time and resolve their differences in a constructive way. However, children are significantly negatively affected by frequent, unresolved conflict between parents.
Children don’t have to hear or see conflict to be negatively affected by it. Children are very sensitive to the emotional climate of the house and pick up on tensions easily.
Some children cope better with conflict than others. This is related to the child’s temperament and the presence of other important relationships that can provide the child with support, for example, grandparents.
Unresolved conflict can be stressful and even damaging to children. Severe conflict between parents may, in some instances be the basis of long term behavioral, social and developmental problems in some children. Children may sometimes become distressed, fearful, clingy, aggressive or disobedient. They may experience unusual sleep patterns, problems in focusing or attention deficit and learning as well as difficulties in other relationships.
Tips for Managing Parental Conflict
- Avoid arguing or fighting in front of children.
- Never put your child in a position where they feel like they have to take sides.
- Avoid using your children as a way of forcing your partner to agree with you.
- Learn how to discuss differences and resolve conflict calmly.
- Be clear with your children that they are not to blame for the fighting.
- Comfort your children to ensure they know that you love them and that you are sorting the problem out.
- Create time to listen to and accept your children’s feelings and worries about the fighting.
- Respect differences in opinion between yourself and your partner – you will not always agree.
- Be willing to work together as parents even if you don’t see eye to eye on things.
- Seek the assistance of a professional if the level of conflict is so great that it starts to negatively affect your children and your relationship.
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