Parenting 101
September 15, 2008 by Tyler Hartle · Comments Off
Throughout history, being a parent is and has always been the most important job one can ever do. Parenting is not a 9 to 5 job or other career choice. Parenting lasts a lifetime. Many people have said that parenting is an amazing journey filled with rewards and sometimes seemingly impossible challenges. Here’s a little help to get you through it all.
Number One Myth: I should know all the answers.
Here’s the kicker, you don’t know everything and you don’t have to know everything. There is not a single parent on the planet that has all of the answers. Also, there’s no such thing as ‘one style fits all’ parenting. The Dr. Spock books are there to give examples, not to provide strict parenting enforcement. Parents need to recognize and be able to respond to the unique personalities, strengths and vulnerabilities of each child. Have reasonable expectations of yourself. Have confidence in what you do know.
It’s OK to say I don’t know. There are numerous ways to educate yourself to find out about the things you feel less confident in.
Myth #2: Parenting comes naturally.
Being a parent requires you become an understanding, persistent, imaginative, energetic, knowledgeable and patient human being.
Parents in all walks of life need support. Take the time to congratulate yourself on what you are doing well. Accept there may be things you could do differently. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Every parent makes mistakes and learns through experience. Mistakes will only count if you keep repeating them. Appreciate that parenting has its ups and downs and accept that this is normal.
Myth #3: Raising my children is my job.
Remember the old saying, “It takes a village.” In the past, extended families and neighborhoods have collectively taken on the responsibility of caring for children. In modern times, parents, more than ever before, are viewed as solely accountable for raising their children. This can sometimes make parents feel judged and alone. If you get out and ask around, you will find that many other parents feel exactly the same way as you. Asking for support is a helpful thing to do for you and your child. Seek support from family, friends, church and community and family support services.
Parenting is a community activity – many people play a significant role in children’s lives. Grandparents, uncles, aunts, friends, teachers and neighbors all contribute to and support family life.
Look after yourself as well as your children. I say it is a good idea to look after yourself first, and then look after your children. If you have ever traveled by plane on any airline, this thought process is nothing new. The flight attendant, when discussing safety and emergency procedures, instructs parents to first put on his or her oxygen mask, and then put the oxygen mask on their child or children. You are no good to your children if you are putting yourself in harms way.
Children and parents learn from each other.
There is no such thing as a perfect parent. There is no such thing as a perfect child. There are many ways to parent. Children and parents learn together.
If you have children, chances are they’re always watching, listening and learning from you. They are constantly processing your parenting skills as they watch how you do things, how you express your feelings and how you relate to others.
As a parent, you continuously learn more and more about your child as they change and grow.
The way you parent should change with the changing needs of your children.
The Impact of Child Abuse On Our Society
September 3, 2008 by Tyler Hartle · Leave a Comment
Fact: Child abuse, maltreatment and neglect is a causative factor in youth suicide, crime, homelessness, mental illness, drug and alcohol abuse and unemployment in young people and adults.
Research has found evidence to support a connection between child abuse and range of social problems. Here are some statistics for you to begin processing:
- More than 40% of women in prisons in the United States have been victims of sexual and other types of abuse. Of those, more than 30% reported being sexually abused before they were 18 years old.
- Roughly 80% of children abused were abused by their parent or caregiver
- 7 out of 10 women attending drug and alcohol treatment services have histories of childhood sexual abuse.
- More than 65% of men attending drug and alcohol treatment services have histories of physical abuse in childhood.
- There is a strong link between experiences of childhood abuse and higher rates of some mental health problems in later life, such as depression, anxiety and post traumatic stress.
In a 2001 study, the daily cost of child abuse and neglect in United States was estimated to be $258 million. Do you want to see a number that will leave you speechless? Multiply $258 million by 365. That’s $94 BILLION…that’s how big of a problem child abuse is. Now I am going to just blow you away with more cost data. A follow-up study was done in 2007 that reports the yearly costs have grown to, are you ready, a conservative $103.8 Billion! That’s roughly a $30 Million per day increase in just six years, or a $5 million increase per day over the last six years.
Have a look at the chart from the 2001 study. It gives a cost breakdown of where the money is being spent. Keep in mind that these are daily numbers.
As a society, we have not always linked these social problems with child abuse. The obvious question is why not?
As a society, we all bear the social and financial costs and repercussions of these problems. Each year, our national, state, county and city governments spend more on mental health services, more on drug and alcohol services, more on law and more on order.
The long term consequences of child abuse not only affect the individual being abused, they affect our society as a whole. Adults and adolescents with a history of childhood abuse, neglect, or domestic violence exposure, demonstrate nearly twice the number of serious health problems as children without these experiences. Documented medical problems associated with childhood maltreatment include: chronic fatigue; altered thyroid function; altered immune function; eating disorders and obesity; asthma; hypertension, and peptic ulcer disease. Child maltreatment and associated morbidities independently predict child and familial dysfunction across physical, developmental, emotional, behavioral, cognitive, and social domains. Thus, maltreatment—both directly and indirectly—has a profound, adverse effect on societal health and functioning. Specifically, child abuse and neglect are correlated with increased prevalence of public health problems, including community and domestic violence, delinquency, mental health disorders, alcohol and illicit substance use, obesity, suicide, and teen pregnancy. These outcomes, in turn, correlate with increased utilization of public and private resources. (Hagele, 2005)
The answer to the problem is obvious. Preventing child abuse and neglect ensures that children are able to experience the safe and happy childhood they deserve. Preventing child abuse and neglect will reduce the size and impact of a number of other critical social problems in the long term.
Take a stand. Become an advocate to prevent child abuse. Act now! It will benefit children, young people and their families. It will benefit our society.
References
Hagele, D.M. (2005). The impact of maltreatment on the developing child. North Carolina Medical Journal, 66, 356-359. Retrieved August 21, 2008 from http://www.ncmedicaljournal.com/sept-oct-05/Hagele.pdf
Fromm, S. (2001). Total estimated cost of child abuse and neglect in the United States: Statistical evidence. Chicago, IL: Prevent Child Abuse America. Retrieved August 2008 from
http://member.preventchildabuse.org/site/DocServer/cost_analysis.pdf?docID=144
BJS. (1994). Women in Prison. Bureau of Justice Statistics Special Report. Department of Justice. Washington, DC: Bureau of Justice Statistics. Retrieved August 2008 from http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/pub/pdf/wopris.pdf
HHS. (2006). Child Maltreatment 2006. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Administration on Children, Youth and Families. Washington, DC: Child Maltreatment 2006 (Washington, DC: U.S. Government Printing Office, 2008). Retrieved August 2008 from http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/stats_research/
